Archive for July, 2011

I can’t tell if I’m detoxing sugar or if I am just getting sick coincidentally. Perhaps my body is angry at me for taking away its precious, yummy drug and is thusly punishing me. Maybe this is what happens to a system that is deprived its crutch. Regardless, I’ve been sneezing all damn day and my nose won’t stop running.

I’m also kind of hungry. Because on top of not eating sugar, I am also no longer eating crap foods. And in America, most of the food is crap. By crap, I mean packaged, processed food. Food that is not whole, not traceable to its source, not, as Michael Pollan so aptly defined it, something my great-grandmother would recognize. I can have vegetables, fruit, whole grains, lean protein, and dairy. It takes a lot more conscious effort to consume enough of those foods to get through the day, and I did not pack my lunch bag sufficiently, even though I filled it with fruit. I think my body is just used to being stuffed to the brim with crap. It probably has forgotten the difference between not stuffed and hungry.

It’s fuckin’ learning now!


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Like I said, Shut up, brain. Just shut up.

But to answer your question: because all your plans and ideas haven’t worked out so well so far, have they?

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…at least until get my cholesterol checked:
red meat
whole milk
probably cheese, although my trainer hasn’t mentioned it yet

The biggest problem with this list is that it means I have to take my coffee black. And I hates it! I always have my coffee with milk, no sugar. And I use real milk because skim milk is not so healthy as one might think (which… more on that another time when I can have milk again and it matters). Now I want milk just thinking about it.

After a lunch (salad, tabouli, whole wheat pita, and hummus) I DESPERATELY wanted a cookie or some chocolate. But there will be none of that! Last night, my boyfriend mentioned someone bringing cookies to work, and I just said, “I don’t want to hear about it.” Because really, if I hear about it, I’m going to want it. Just typing the word cookie now. My sugar addled brain is like, “Yes? please? please? yes? Yes! Yes! YES! GIVE ME THE COOKIE!”

Shut up, brain. Just… shut up.

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Egg whites with spinach and artichoke
1 piece of wheat toast
1/2 cup coffee with 2% milk

1/2 cup coffee with half and half
1 cup cherries

another cup of cherries
rotisserie chicken breast (almost all of the skin removed)
boiled peas (2/3 cup-ish)
cooked carrots (1 cup-ish)
medium iced tea (unsweetened, natch) with juice of 4 lemon wedges

1 “satellite” peach
1/2 a nectarine
2/3 cup edamame beans

I’m surprised I don’t want to stab someone in the neck with a pencil yet. Sugar withdraw status update: headache with mild woozy feelings.

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And by shit, I mean the bitchy mood I’ll be in from sugar withdraw. No more delicious, addictive sugar in my life. At least for awhile. After pansey-dancing about the idea for literally months, I have finally put my time, energy and money where my mouth keeps saying it wants to be and have hired a personal trainer.

And she took me off sugar right away because I’m a flat-out addict. I don’t have my first session with her until tomorrow, but she’s already told me no more sugar. And it’s hardcore, but I also know it’s right. Because I do NOT have a healthy relationship with that white devil of sweet deliciousness.

I wake up in the morning thinking about how I can get some. Perhaps sugar cereal for breakfast? (I never buy this for myself, but when my boyfriend figured out I liked it, he started buying it for me.) Or maybe French toast? And then I take chocolate with me to work and eat it at my desk. And/or cookies, brownies, cake, whatever I can find. I eat meals, but I’d rather just eat pie. If my boyfriend isn’t around, I’ll just get fro-yo for dinner. I had it twice in one day last week. Because I could.

Because I’ve let what I can do far surpass what I should do. I lost my bearings on what was appropriate somewhere between changing jobs and moving. But my grasp has always been shaky. Every diet I’ve ever tried to do always became a game I tried to beat, not by getting thinner or healthier, but by getting more treats.

And now I’m giving them all up. Because change has to come sometime. Why not today?

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